Yesterday was horrible. I felt so ill that I began to think this is the beginning of the end. I went to bed at about 8:45 didn’t manage to watch I’m a Celebrity without dropping off. I was probably well asleep by 10.
It’s now 5am, I’m out of bed, had a bit of breakfast, got myself a curative cup of tea and decided to get some thoughts down.
Be under no illusion, I’m still rotten, my eyes are sore, I have a mild kind of IBS, my skin, in places, feels like I have sunburn and I’m a bit wobbly. Very wobbly if I get up quick. I have some work to do under the kitchen units. I have to get back on my feet in stages. But already today I feel fantastic (in comparison).
Today, Tuesday is grandparent duties. Mila and Louie are both dropped off at 8. Usually I take Louie to school for 8:45 and collect him at 3 but I'm afraid it’s Tricia's job today. I’ve a little job or two to get done around the house. Nothing very much because I’m still stuck with a hiatus in the kitchen.
My thoughts were bonkers yesterday. I know my time is limited but when you let yourself begin to think about things you won’t be here for, like next Christmas or my grandchildren’s 4th and 7th birthdays (Mila has just turned 3 and Louie's 6 on Thursday) you can easily see how depression could easily be just around the corner.
However, like all good counsel, think about the positives. Of Brexit I couldn't care less. Of agriculture and fisheries, I really don’t care. How we're going to pay for the pandemic, not an issue for me. However quality time with family and friends. Crucial. I’ve just received an email from the powers that be regarding my status (bleddy vulnerable) and how I should protect myself during the next few weeks while in Tier 1 and over the Christmas period. For some it’s sound advice, for me it’s stay safe, engage your brain, don’t do anything stupid. No change really. I’ve also been offered 4 months of a daily dose of vitamin D. (Thank you, but its not suitable for people with cancer).
Anyway, at some point yesterday I managed to get the Christmas decorations down, while I was up in the loft I remembered I have a cheap plastic chandelier. Now with my bonkers thoughts I began to plan my birthday on the 30th June (there's no guarantee I’ll get there) but if I do let’s party. We have a 4m square party tent and a chandelier. I think that’s all we need. I may need to bring the party forward a bit. But when the party’s over I can sell the tent. Buyer collects just to make my life easy. This is all possibly a flight of fancy but it’s nice to have a plan.
Talking of planning, on Saturday I’m still planning a Tier 1, rule of 6, walk. It’s starting at Ponts Mill. A 5 mile walk around the historic Luxulyan Valley. It looks as if it may be the first wet walk but I'm game if you are. There's something about walking in the rain. Everything looks and smells different and there's not many people around. The details are here http://iwkc.co.uk/w/156 This may be a challenge too far for me but when we get to the aqueduct if I’m completely shattered I can simply retrace my steps. Let’s not be too negative I’m giving it a go.
I’m also hoping to do the long awaited Grogley Halt walk next week but I’m waiting for my new chemo schedule so I can’t fix a date yet. But it starts and finishes at a pub. Might be useful. http://iwkc.co.uk/w/102
See I’m happy when I have a plan.
I’m waiting for 3 bits of post. A cookbook with Christmas recipes for people who are enduring chemo, gutter hooks for our outside Christmas lights and my chemo schedule. My capacity to wait has diminished a bit, but that’s understandable I suppose.
It’s now dinner time. I’ve retired to my bed, the third time today. How come I don’t remember running that marathon? Nothing worth reporting arrived in the post not that that's surprising. Coffee club was the biggest ever 13 clubbers. As is often the case we completely ran out of time but it was great to see so many.
Is it that time?
I’d better drag myself downstairs for some sustenance.