Blue Monday

It's Monday the 17th January 2022. The third Monday of January. Unfortunately, this date has been awarded the gloomy title of Blue Monday, due to a combination of post-Christmas blues, cold dark nights and the arrival of unpaid credit card bills. I believe new years resolutions falling by the wayside also factor into it too.

For the UK it was blue in other ways today since the sky was very, very blue. Perhaps enough to cheer the country out of our January blues you'd think.

Our day started really well, dolphins in St Austell Bay, a gorgeous sunrise and wonderful blue skies. I started my normal working day sadly answering all my 'how was your weekend?' questioning with 'good and bad'. Good because it was sunny and I got to enjoy some of it. Bad because Neil was particularly bad over the weekend. Very delirious and while not able to get out of bed and walk, was giving it his best go at any time we turned our backs to jump out of bed! Not sure if any of you know a 'Fred in Liskeard' but Neil is apparently dying to see him about something (pun not intended)...

Then the day took a turn for the worse after the palliative nurse visited Neil and could see how bad he now was. We're told it'll only be a couple of days now and the decision was made to give him a sedative injection to calm him enough to put him on a driver which will release 'Maureen' etc more regularly over 24 hours.

Mum was told to ensure all family who can and wanted to, visited today prior to this injection since this will be the most conscious version of Neil we'll have. Essentially, we said our goodbyes today. Happy Blue Monday.

It's also a full moon so we may be getting gobbledygook from Neil because of that...or more likely the drugs we're giving him to keep him comfortable. Abbi and I were treated to a wonderful moment today where a very clear 'SEE YA KIDS!' came out of Neil when Abbi said she needed to go. We both laughed and cried in equal measures after not having a peep out of him previously.

Then later on we were laughing about something and Ab talked about Dad's 'attitude' and (backstory, he always used to show me his ballet skills and his speciality was of course his attitude, I've seen it in the aisles of the co-op, using the kitchen counter as a barre and he loved showing it off so much that they named their first campervan Neil built, Attitude) at that exact moment he lifted his leg, with attitude.

In times of crisis, everyone always has their role or way of dealing with it. I of course take on the role of Chef/Feeder. Everyone gets very excited to taste my food and there were lots of 'smells delicious' from the carers, nurses and family members. I don't think the family will ever be as excited again if I tell them I've added grapefruit to their pasta. 'Well, now you know.' as Neil said when Abbi couldn't wait to tell him.

It's now 8pm and today a total of 6 carers 6 nurses and 1 doctor have visited Neil. At the end of the day the decision of giving him a sedative injection in readiness for a driver implantation has now been reversed. I'm going to stay the night with Mum to ensure she has the help and support she needs through the night. Mum's slept two nights running in a chair next to Neil which isn't ideal for anyone. I've brought the massage gun and I'll tap in when she needs to lie down. Wish us luck.