Good morning Facebook chums
You know some mornings things simply go a bit off piste. Today is already shaping up well . For the past 90 minutes I have been writing this episode only to inadvertently delete it.
So today keep a lookout for updates.
The topics I had covered were
3. Weeing bubbles
4. Sick note
I'll try to recount my report as the day progresses.
So let's talk about sleeping. Last night I managed a reasonable night's sleep. This I achieved by hugging a pillow. A bit of a bind when you want to turn over but as I am in self isolation at home (voluntarily using the spare room) I could manage it. The first night since last Sunday I haven't slept on my back.
My plan for this morning was to have a shower. Now this proved to be exhausting but at least I feel clean and refreshed. Following my shower it was time to replace my special post op dressing. Now these dressings are efficient. 25cm long 10cm wide with a band of adhesive all around 2.5cm wide. The adhesive is a thing of wonder. Imagine waxing with superglue. Very slowly I peeled it off to reveal my clean, dry, horrible looking wound. A small price to pay. And in all my bravery I decided to leave it uncovered for the day.......instant relief from itching. So here I am lying on the sofa, dressed in normal clothes, gazing up the garden, looking forward to my lunch thinking "This is something I could get used to".
Back to my hospital stay. One of the first things that happened to me (apart from the obvious slice and dice) was that I had a plumbing addition. Thankfully done under general anaesthetic. One thing for sure, no matter how gender fluid you want to be this is a time you really need to identify carefully. So this procedure requires a little (in diameter not necessary length) tube which is popped up your willy taking some air with it. This is a great little addition for those like me that are unable to get out of bed for 48 hours. But eventually, like all good things it came to an end, a nurse came along to whip it out. So now I'm back to a manual rather than an automatic venting system. Pressure builds.....call the nurse .......curtains drawn, I'm not completely mobile because I'm still on a drip, I wee into a cardboard bottle. Now this is the interesting bit. The air that entered my bladder with the extra plumbing has to come out. It comes out in the form of bubbles. A not completely unpleasant sensation. Time for celebration I'm weeing champagne!
In order to indulge in this period of self pity and recovery I need to secure a little paid time away from my employment. In order to facilitate this I need a sick note or more correctly a "Statement of Fitness for Work". To get one I need to ring my GP surgery. So I settled down for the long haul. I make the call. 1 minute 45 seconds into the call I'm informed I'm 20th in the queue. I abandon the call. I wait. I try again 10 minutes later. This time I'm only 17th in the queue, I wait. Eventually I request a sick note and with all this modern technology and paperless systems I need to arrange someone to collect the paper copy (on Thursday) and deliver it to my employer. I'd better start shuffling now.
Now, about that lunch........