I’m not sure what mind altering drugs I’m being given but one side effect for me seems a bit weird. This particular side effect usually happens around 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Yesterday was the best/worst example yet. Some of this present cocktail of chemo drugs I had the pleasure of taking 3 years ago. Then, like now, my course started just before Christmas. I distinctly remember a similar side effect. I hadn’t forgotten and I remember it gradually getting worse.
It happens like this; part way into each cycle the drugs seem to reach maximum nastiness. I feel particularly dreadful, sick, shaky, unsteady on my feet, my eyesight is affected, a little depression sets in so bad that even “A Place in the Sun" can’t help. I retire to my bed. My chemo course starts on a Monday, these effects build throughout the first few days peaking on Thursday and Friday so I’m in the middle of it now!
My afternoon snooze is what my body tells me I need. So I sleep, usually for about an hour. I gradually wake in a very miserable mood. Horrible terminal thoughts swirling around my head. Then this feeling descends that maybe it would be best not to have treatment but to hurry towards the end. I remember 3 years ago these thoughts (towards the end of my treatment) becoming almost overwhelming. Very unpleasant, very unpleasant indeed. I know I need to shake off this mood. By the time I manage to get out of bed and dressed, which includes a period of sitting on the edge with my head in my hands, I’m beginning to cheer up. I go downstairs for a cup of tea, a piece of cake and an episode of “Flog It”. I’m back. But the thoughts never quite disappear.
I need to fill my brain. Fortunately I can still stay active. Mostly I can drive. I can plan. But yesterday I couldn't quite compose myself to put the marzipan on my latest cake. (Don’t like marzipan? Good, more cake for me!!) I need a full day between marzipan and icing. The pressure’s on. I need it iced before the next Coffee Club to show off.
I’m also formulating a plan for our next walking get together. I’m planning my first there and back walk rather than a circular walk. It’s from Wheal Martyn to the Sky Spur, 2 miles each way. There’s 3 reasons why I’ve chosen this walk. 1) It sounds cool. Who doesn’t want to go to a sky spur whatever that is? 2) It’s a there and back walk so it’s less daunting if I feel the need to get back. And 3) For many of you it’ll be a new walk.
I’m proposing this walk on Boxing Day at 10am starting at the Wheal Martyn Clay Museum car park. The museum will be closed. Then following the clay trail to the sky spur. https://claytrails.co.uk/wheal-martyn-sky-spur
I’m planning to take some Christmas cake and coffee to celebrate upon reaching the peak. At the moment, for what it’s worth the weather forecast is looking favourable.
So here’s a couple dates for your diaries.
Tuesday 22nd December 10am Christmas Coffee Club Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 955 027 2972
Boxing Day Walk 10am, Coffee and Christmas Cake at the Sky Spur https://claytrails.co.uk/wheal-martyn-sky-spur Bring your own Coffee and Christmas Cake.
Unspecified event one Saturday in February. N.D.A in place..... all will be revealed in due course.