My Adiaphorous Message

What do you do when you’re waiting for your CT scan results?

I made an egg and bacon pie. Lunch sorted. Next prepare the motorhome for tomorrow’s lockdown adventure.

Wait is that the scheduled 11:20 phone call? No it’s the Grove care home returning Tricia's call. Here it is, the phone's ringing again. “NO I don’t want to renew my non existent insurance on my bloody washing machine!”

Eventually my consultant rings, Dr Caroline Parnell.

This in a nutshell is what I heard not necessarily what was said. My CT scan results are inconclusive. It appears that my cancer, in part, has worsened. However the radiographer was not the normal one who has been following my journey. My consultant, after studying my results thinks my liver has some new tiny spots of cancer but the existing cancer appears to have shrunk a little. On balance not bad news, could be better but could be much, much worse. Tomorrow the radiographer that usually sees my scans will provide her opinion and Caroline is calling me again. If there’s a different message it’ll be “better not worse".

Suffice to say I’m neither ecstatic nor dejected, I will however need to carefully consider whether to continue my chemo. My feeling is another shitty 4 weeks now, during lockdown, may trade for 4 warmer non lockdown weeks (with any luck).

I celebrated by making a chocolate cake.

And why not?

Oh! Did you want to know.

Adiaphorous:

Neutral, impartial; indifferent to; peripheral, irrelevant.

Origin: Early 17th century. From post-classical Latin adiaphorus (in prosody, of syllables) optionally short or long, of variable quantity, (in philosophical or religious context) indifferent, (of a medicinal agent) neither harmful nor beneficial.