Let me say it as it is. The bits, few, if any of you, witness. Example; I’m in the kitchen preparing a shelf for installation. Tricia calls me “the oven is making a funny noise". Not one of our new ovens thank goodness, the cheap, crappy, temporary oven.
I cast my critical, oven engineers eye over the problem. It’s the fan happily screeching away. I give the inside of the oven a technical thump. The horrible screeching sound disappears. Job done. ........ so far so good. Then the hammer blow. “ Who will I get to do these jobs?” In tears we hug each other.
You only see me on the happy days. I thrive with people around me. I organise my life to make that happen. As always I rise to the occasion.
Tricia gets the full 9 yards. The shittyness, the mood swings, the breakdowns, the Mr Fucking Grumpy. She gets it all. I reserve the best for you dear reader when I should reserve the best for Tricia. Note to self. MUST TRY HARDER!
I have to be aware because the Things They are a-Changin’.
Take Saturday’s walk. I probably reached my energy limit, the walking isn’t the problem, it’s the recovery. I’m still not good at resting when I should but I eventually got into bed at 4:15 for an hour and a half and managed some sleep. I really enjoyed Saturday's walk. Parts of Luxulyan Valley I haven't done for years and parts I haven’t done at all. As usual the best bit was the people. We had a new face which was a lovely surprise. That’s the extra bonus of being able to walk on the weekend. Every walk has its quirks and this one was no different. One couple pulled ahead and took a wrong turn. They ended up really close to the carpark but the wrong side of the railway line. There was no way they could find a safe way across the line and down to the carpark. We could see them and talk by mobile but we simply couldn't help. They either had to retrace their steps or find a way down. Hopefully they extricated themselves safely. Maybe they're still lost in the woods.
Because my chemo is changing the days I propose to walk will change to alternate Saturdays or Sundays. The sad reality is I’ll be doing less walks than I originally expected. My new chemo regime is the one that’s used towards the end of one’s life expectancy. Realistically it’s the last treatment available and it’s unpleasant. As yet I’m unsure whether the treatment will prevent me from being able to do these walks. I’m getting very close to having to begin to think in terms of quality versus quantity and there’s no guarantee that this treatment, like the last, will have any effect on my cancer at all. If you want something to mess with your head then look no further.
I am, however proposing to walk next Saturday the 12th.Now this day is very special. Not only is it the last Saturday before my new chemo schedule begins and quite possibly my last walk it’s also Tricia’s birthday. Any other year we would be inviting you to a party instead of a walk but this year is a little different. Be under no illusion I try not to think of annual events. If the odds aren't great on me reaching my birthday next June, there's no chance of reaching Tricia's next December.
Let’s not think of next year. Let’s think of tomorrow, next week or next month. Emotionally easier.
Yesterday Tricia and I went off in our little bubble to the fantastic Porthminster Beach Cafe for lunch with Abbi, Cal, Louie and Mila. Now that’s something that's easy on the emotions. https://www.porthminstercafe.co.uk/ I had an onion baji, with spiced carrot and coriander pesto followed by Cornish crab and seafood linguine, prawns , chilli, garlic, lemon and parsley, finished off with a dessert that was so good that that alone made the trip worthwhile, deep fried banoffee pie with roasted miso custard, parfait and marshmallow.
I ended up stuffed. No loss of appetite here but a definite loss of energy. I got home and needed to get to bed otherwise I would have ended up feeling really poorly. Another note to self. I MUST PACE MYSELF BETTER. Two events in two days is too much.
I wasn't sure about walking next Saturday because it’s Tricia’s birthday but with her agreement we’ve decided to go anyway. So we'll start our walk at 10am at the Borough Arms just outside Bodmin and finish inside the pub for lunch. We'll book a table just to be on the safe side. https://theborougharms.com/ Not only will it serve as sustenance after our walk but it’ll be Tricia’s birthday lunch. I’m keen to do this walk. It’s pretty easy, although beware, it’s not all plain sailing. Read the info http://iwkc.co.uk/w/102
I’ll suggest the following walk when I know the impact of my treatment. A clear case of watch this space. But if it is going to happen it’s likely to be a Boxing Day walk.
In the meantime I’ve got a kitchen to finish. It’s getting seriously close!
And I need something to share at Coffee Club tomorrow at 10am.
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